Through the Eyes of a Daughter

My Mom departed this world on June 13, 2022. My Dad departed this world on June 14, 2012. I kept thinking, Mom would join Dad on the ten year anniversary of his passing. I think my Mom and Dad wanted two close days together for me to celebrate their lives, as I move forward with my own and to keep it individual but close in time, on purpose. They were as close in life, as they were on their dates of death! It's kind of unbelievable…but oh, how lucky I am to be their daughter!!!

My mom was strong, courageous and beautiful, inside and out! She hid her struggles from most people. Things like, when she lost my dad (her king and my hero), she truly lost herself as her identity was embedded and emboldened in him. He was her soul mate, best friend and her very reason for living…he defined her in the most special ways. To witness how lost she was without him is one of the hardest things I've ever witnessed in my life. She became extremely dependent to hold onto some semblance of herself through me…in taking on "his role" in "her life". For the first two years she would always say…"your dad would do that for me or that's what dad always did". I treasure those words now and completely understand them from an entirely different perspective than I did at that time, ten years ago. I never thought I would become the glue to hold my mom together. But that's exactly who we were, quite honestly, to, each other. We had a very special bond…one that saw through dementia, depression and a multitude of other physical ailments. There is a frailty in getting older that many people probably never think about. I think things are felt far deeper as we age. I certainly came to appreciate that with my mom. When my mom would ask me to stay with her and not go to work…I was so torn. I wanted to be there for her but I needed to work. Ultimately, my decision to care for mom full time was the right choice for us. I realized her time was limited in a far more concrete way than mine. Caring for my mom and dad are without a doubt the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life! To care for those who cared for us…there is no greater honor. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

My mom was hard-working, independent and daring when I was young. She was a single mom of two children and had no one but herself to depend on. She was a nurse's aide and worked in a nursing home and worked 16 hour shifts, constantly to survive financially and since it was just her and her children, when she worked a double shift, she took my brother and I to work with her. She made sure we ate, did our homework and stayed in line. When mom spoke, we listened! She worked hard, paid off her bills, and saved enough money to buy a house. Her greatest accomplishment as a young woman is that she bought a home and moved her children out to the country. She always said, that was her greatest gift to her children and what she was most proud of.

Her HOME became her anchor. Her home was her pride and joy and it literally over the years became her sanctuary! No one knows that better than I. She loved the simple, meaningful things in life: a nice home, a good meal, a great song, a good bear hug, four legged friends of all kinds, a comfortable fitting outfit and a smiling heartfelt I LOVE YOU! Her intuition was second to none. Her sense of humor was something to admire. I've always been sarcastic but she's more sarcastic-her! Her dreams were big and bold. One of her final wishes was to have "her dream deck" which her grandson, Jimmy designed and built for her in 2015. She enjoyed sitting on her enclosed porch overlooking all the beautiful gardens dad and I had planted for her over the years. Dad always planted bushes but she told me she wanted some flowers (some color) and boy…she got flowers. Once I started to learn how to garden, I truly understood why my dad only wanted bushes. It's a lot of work is an understatement! Each of our gardens, are planted from the heart: most memorable is Mom's Garden out front with the Wishing Well and Dad's Garden out back with the Lighthouse! These two projects were a true labor of love.

Over the years Dad and I did many home improvement projects that changed the style, functionality and our way of living, at home. Each and every project brought mom and dad immense joy, comfort and sincere happiness. They would sit at the table smoking and drinking coffee for hours and say "Is this really our house?" It really is!!! Families live this same life every day but how much does one really think about it? When mom and dad had to stop traveling as well as, working; all of their living, was done right here at HOME. Seeing what makes your loved ones happy and what LIVING THEIR BEST LIFE can do is what makes all the difference in the world. You can have problems and you can have tough times and yet we all still make the best of it. It's those little things that mean the most. As mom would say, "Skip the judgment and find some understanding. I'm not in show business and we're doing the best we can". Keep it simple. I will always treasure her little whips that she would say and the funny times when she just couldn't put it into words…so she'd make up words! God I loved her sense of humor, not to mention her creativity!!!

When you talk about LOVE for both mom and dad…their hearts belonged to our beloved four-legged family members. Mom always wanted to know where her dogs were and that they were safe and sound in the house. It was hard explaining to her that they needed some outdoor time! She would say I know…I know… I just want to know they're safe. Mom and Dad got Molly when she was a baby. She was a Shih Tzu and one of the greatest joys of all our lives; Personality PLUS! She was "Dad's favorite" and "he was hers"…a match made in Heaven, you might say. For a while it was just Mom, Molly and Me and she was lost without Dad until we brought Handsome home. These two trouble makers were together for 7 years. Losing Molly was beyond painful. It wasn't long before mom said, I can't take it anymore…I need a small dog of my own. We found Penny, our Chiwoxy. She's small, but mighty and has a pretty big, little mouth; that girl will stand up to anyone. Now, Handsome, was one of mom's best-est friends' in this world. Again, he's my dog but "she" was "his favorite" Go figure. Stop laughing! I so enjoyed watching them bond and truly marvel at the shared love they had. She complained when he was little because a lab is a handful to say the least but watching the beautiful creature he has become has been an amazing adventure. Knowing how much of a role my mom has had in raising him brings me great personal joy to know she is a part of him. Witnessing Penny and Handsome watching over mom these past few months has been heartfelt and overwhelming at times. I have never seen such sadness in our dog's eyes until my mom left this world. They kept going to her empty bed, crying and were literally, sick. Dogs have such beautiful souls and my mom lives on in our babies, of that, I have no doubt. The joy they bring cannot be found anywhere else on earth! The love my mom and these babies gave and received was priceless!

Our babies got to know our Hospice Staff Members and truly came to love them as we did! I would be remiss to not give a shout out to the Holyoke VNA/Hospice Organization. Stacie was mom's RN and she is someone I will always be grateful to for all of her incredible care, kind words of wisdom and her strong ability to teach me things I needed to know how to do for mom. There is nothing she would not do to help us…she truly is one of our heroes. Mom always said, who is coming today? I'd say Stacie and she'd say, "you, mean, my crazy nurse that always makes me laugh"? Yup…that's the one! She has truly been a blessing to us!!! I can't thank Melissa enough, mom's social worker who was truly instrumental in helping us to hold it together on some pretty tough, emotional days. She always listened, cared and brought us needed answers to tough questions. This woman was born for this profession. Danielle was with us for a while. She was mom's home health aide. She was so comfortable in her own skin and always made mom feel at ease. She stopped by to say hello to mom out of the blue and that is something I will never forget…not everyone takes the time and she sure did. We love that girl! We met Abby, our RN on two occasions within 24 hours: the day before mom passed and she was on call that night and came back a second time to help finalize what had taken place. She was kind, caring, supportive, very knowledgeable and I don't know what I would have done, without her! She took wonderful care of my mom, with respect and dignity, not to mention, she gave me truly sincere care for my lost state of mind and sad condition of my heart. We are so blessed that she was our Angel that day/night…thank you so much Abby for being here with us!

These are the Things that matter most at a time like this:

I'll start with "her favorite" Tim Souza AKA "Spanky". Not only were you "her favorite" you became her son. She not only depended on you but she knew she could always rely on you; Always a man of your word and always looking out for her. And although I will never understand how I did all the work and you became "her favorite"…these are memories we get to keep forever and we can always hold tight to the laughter, the sarcasm and the insane relationship that was built from love over the years! Thank you so much for being you and for being here for us.

Fran Souza, "Spanky's mom" I struggle for the words to express our gratitude for all you did for mom and most especially since she entered hospice. Your great care, kindness and heart showed us who you truly are…one incredible woman! You brought mom, her favorite treats and spent your time well with her. She was always smiling when I came back from PT. She felt safe with you because you treated her like the Queen she truly is! And that makes you a Queen of Our Heart as well. Mom always said, "It takes one to know one"! Thank You So Much!!!

Nichole Costa, there are no words but I'll just say "BEST DANG COOKIES…EVER" AND "Where do you think you're going you little %$#@!" Guess you weren't leaving without her hugs and kisses and I love you's. Mom adored and loved You, Michael and Dylan so much. Your family has always taken the time just for time well spent together, visiting and to help us on more occasions than I can say. We are forever grateful and be sure mom will be watching over your family! From the bottom of our hearts…thank you so much for being a part of our family!!!

Kimmy, when you came to see mom it made her day! I think it made your day too. She has always considered you family and we were in awe of you as you cared for and had to say goodbye to your entire family in such a short amount of time. We had no idea how you would get through. We are so proud of the woman you have become…may every treasured memory, bring you great peace…God knows you deserve it. Love you Sis!

Our Family out in Missouri…we love and miss you all. Mom enjoyed when I showed her pictures on Facebook. I'm so glad with the distance between us that we were able to still share and stalk you all on Facebook. Frank is forever in hearts and I'm sure he is watching over all of us and I can only imagine the reunion in Heaven…bet they all caused some trouble and had some big fun! Love and miss you Bro…Take good care of mom for me until we meet again!

Father Tomasz brought communion here at home, on many occasions. He came with blessings that brought mom great peace of heart and mind. I am forever grateful to him. I am relieved to know he will be undertaking mom's funeral mass and I know he'll do a beautiful service for her.

I am so grateful to Marty at O'Brien Funeral Home. The care he has given is something I will always remember. I know my Mom is in the hands of a true professional providing extra special care and I would recommend talking to Marty should the need for these services ever be required. He sure understands the meaning of family and respects the importance of each and every little detail!

As I am working hard to find true, inner peace, and I am holding steady to certain meaningful thoughts:

This world is a better place because my Mom and Dad were HERE!

I am the luckiest girl in the world because of whose daughter I am!

REMEMBER TO LQQK FOR…PENNIES FROM HEAVAN!

Treasure every moment with the people you love because it's true…one day the Good Lord will call them back HOME!

Although you left this world…YOU LEFT YOUR MARK ON ME! RIP: XOXOXO

Springfield Republican Obituary

GRANBY - Claire L Racicot, 82, passed away on Monday surrounded by love. Claire was born in Tewksbury, MA on March 28 ^th, 1940.  Claire was a resident of Granby and a communicant of Immaculate Heart of Mary Church. She is survived by her Daughter; Kathleen Morris, "her favorite"; Timothy Souza, 3 Grandsons; James, Thomas and Robert Langlais, 4 great-grandchildren; Desiree, Tyler, Isabel and Katie Rose, a sister; Jeanette Guyette and her dear friends; Michael, Nichole and Dylan Costa.  Claire is predeceased by the love of her life , Robert H Racicot, her son, Franklin D. Crooks Jr., her sister, Irene, her father Harvey "Lefty" Gosselin, and her mom and dad, Rene and Rita (Sansoucy) Lefebvre. Calling hours will be held for Claire on Monday June 20 ^th from 9 to 10:30 am. Following the calling hours there will be a funeral mass at Immaculate Heart of Mary Church in Granby at 11 am.